This peanut right here, is why I haven't been blogging. She's why I haven't been overdosing on uploading pictures on instagram all of the time. She's why I haven't paid much attention to any social media lately. She's why I don't play games on my ipad any more. She's why I haven't liked your instagram photos on my feed. She is the reason that the TV doesn't go on in our house until after 8 pm.
She's the reason that I want my last patient of the day to no show. She's the reason why I want to start going back to church. She's the one who humbles me. She is a blessing.
People always say to me "Doesn't the time just fly by" or "Enjoy every moment of it, it goes by fast". These comments have literally irked me since day one.
Before Charlee was even born, I knew that I wanted to, some how, slow down time.
I asked my mother how come I never heard her tell me that I grew up so fast or to cherish the time with Charlotte because it goes by so quickly.
Her answer was simple. She said every moment that she had with me she enjoyed. She embraced all of my changes through out my life. She never looked back and wished that I was a baby again. She loved watching me grow. Even up to the day that I got married (at this point in the conversation, I cried).
It's not about slowing down time at all, it's about acknowledging the present.
My mom is 100% right. Staying in the present slows down time. Embracing the new things that Charlotte is learning everyday and being proud of her changes, helps the time slow down. I needed to stop looking for my phone all of the time to take a picture of something cute that she was doing. I needed to start making memories of these moments in that very moment. I needed to acknowledge how I was feeling that second that Charlee did something adorable and I needed to start logging my memories of these feelings in my head.
I needed to stop worrying about all of the things that could wait. Laundry, dishes, and errands.
I needed to stop caring about social media. My blog. Work, life, balance isn't the answer for me. Myself is what mattered. Taking care of myself.
Finding my own comfort zone in my small world of chaos was my answer. Slowly letting go of the things that really didn't matter and staying present within the things that do.
I decided before my baby girl was born that I wasn't going to be the kind of mother that complained. I wasn't going to be the martyr over all of the things that I had to do each day to fulfill my motherly/spouse task list. I have a child and a man that I'm madly in love with.
All of these crappy duties are little blessings in disguise that help you fulfill your roles in your family.
So if you are worried about time flying by, instead of grabbing your camera and trying to make your baby do a second outtake of a picture because you missed it, just live in that moment.
Am I sleep deprived? yes. Am I sick of cleaning bottles? yes. Do I have a love/hate relationship with my breast pump? Hell yes!
But behind all of these motherly tasks, is a little motivator named Charlotte and without her, my role as "The Mom" wouldn't exist.
And I wouldn't change that for anything.