So relationships are a funny thing. Most couples fight about bills, chores and dirty deeds right? Well if that's you, consider your self lucky.
The topic that seems to be an reoccurring issue in my household is regarding T.P.
Toilet Paper
I'm prefacing this with "in my defense". In my defense, I have been ill for the last two weeks. And not just a flu. Bodily fluid, snot, phlegm etc. The kind of sick where I contemplated ripping my nose off of my face just to set it in the sink to drip. I may have indulged more than usual in the TP department because
I NEVER buy tissues, ever.
I have caught my self on numerous occasions reaching for the tissues on the back of the toilet, instead of replacing the toilet paper roll.
I am also the girl who leaves a single "slice" on the roll.
I use the word "slice" because my husband has imbedded this into my vocabulary in regards to toilet paper usage.
Apparently, over the last week I have used a roll of toilet paper every day. I'm 100% positive that he is mother-goosing this a little bit.
Last night the issue of my TP usage was brought up at dinner. DINNER!!! We were sitting at the bar, so maybe this is appropriate conversation.
I was told that I use too many slices ie; squares.
He said that he has watched me "bee-hive" my hand before and just do a little "dab dab".
#1 Why is he watching me?
#2 Why do I not realize he is watching me?
#3 You know exactly what he means when he said "bee-hive".
#4 Dab is not a bathroom word. EVER
I had to explain to Josh, why I use so much T.P.
I'm not going to elaborate on this.
I'm pretty sure he was online last night looking for a single, slice, toilet paper dispenser. And if he could, he's find one that would charge me a quarter per slice!
This over-usage topic has come up before. I use a shit ton of paper towels when I clean the house and I try to burn them in the fire place before he sees them. Last year, I comprised an over-usage issue by washing out ziploc baggies and reusing them.
He has actually taken a paper towel out of the trash because, its "barely been used". I stopped that shit right quick! (now you know why I burn them).
No, my hubs is not an obsessive pro-green, save the earth, hippie (don't be offended) and we have no issues financially affording paper products.
He is just your every day Toilet Paper Nazi.
So be happy that your man is mad that you bought too much MAC. Or that you sat on your ass watching Housewives Something-or-other and didn't cook or clean.
Your lucky Bitches!
I'll be heading to Punta Cana tomorrow for a week and I have a few great girls taking over my blog!
I'll miss all ya'll faces as I get my baby making tan on.
Please ignore my tweets tomorrow. I will be at the airport entertaining a xanax and bloody mary cocktail.