Friday, June 20, 2014

Moms are batshit crazy and soon I will be learning why.

I figured since my pregnancy is almost over, I should write a summary post before I have a baby and get all biased. First of all, my pregnancy was great up until the last 4 weeks. Then all kinds of funky and painful things started happening to my body. Back pain, tingly fingers, bathroom problems, and a sciatic nerve issue making it impossible for me to walk comfortably...just to name a few. As I'm writing this post, Baby C is moving all around. I have yet to get a maternal attachment to her while she has been in there, and while asking other new moms about this, many of them have experienced the same thing. All of that changes when you seen your baby, I'm told. I know that I will miss her wiggles. As much as I'm ready for "ejection" there is a part of me that is warm and fuzzy and will miss knowing that I provided a safe and healthy place for her to grow for 10 months.

I do have some goals as a parent, a spouse and my own individual ones that I want to achieve even though I will be a new parent. It was recommended to me to write these things down. That way, when I'm feeling all over the place and lost, I can read these and see what was important to me and made me happy before, should still be important to me and make me happy now (post baby).

As a parent, I will constantly be educating myself on what is "better" and a more natural way to raise our baby. I have always been a little earthy crunchy at heart but hide it well with hair spray, lip gloss and laser peels. Knowing that I can provide the best nurturing for our little one by educating myself more will be a big goal of mine. It all starts with what we put into our bodies. I feel our entire family will benefit from this.
I also want our daughter to be able to play and explore with out feeling like she's in a bubble. Josh and I both grew up playing outside. No cell phones, video games, i-devices etc. Both country kids. We want to spend as much time as we can technology free, enjoying what's on this earth! Four wheeling, swimming, camping, making snowmen, apple picking etc. I feel once you disconnect from social media, tv and the internet, time slows down. You can be more present.

As a wife, my goal is not let my husband feel neglected. Two deployments and ten years later, we haven't put all this effort into making each other happy, just to throw it out the window. Our communication skills have improved immensely over the last 4 years and I will continue to keep these lines open even when I am overwhelmed. Even if I feel like a failure as a mom some days, I will talk about this with my husband. We have been through enough to be able to have no shame with one another or judgement in regards to each others feelings. We WILL have date nights, and not just talk about doing them. We will still have our adult relationships with our friends and spend time with them. We will still have our "us" time, our laughs and the jokes that only we understand.
I find so many people make excuses, once they have a family, in regards to maintaining a balance between everything. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, but I know what I want and I think that's the first step. After all, in 20 years when your kids move out,  and all you have is your spouse, you better hope that you can still stand each other.


As an individual. I will set the bar the highest here. I have learned in the last ten years that only I am responsible for my own happiness. I am responsible for my reactions to others actions. This has taken a lot of practice and I still work on it everyday. This is one of my biggest accomplishments in life and one of my proudest. Being able to control your reactions to assholes, drama and negativity is life changing. This is an ongoing goal.

I will not neglect my home. My husband has put far too much work into it. I know that this will be another tough task, but I'm sure my OCD will help with this.
There will be no yelling over spilled milk. Life is too short. Are there going to be days when I want to pull my hair out and feel like I'm going bat shit crazy? I'm sure, but that is what wine and friends are for. I'm far from a super hero and I'm well aware that what I want my life to be like after the baby will take a lot of work, patience, practice and of course tears. But I'm ok with all of that.

A good piece of  advice came from my obgyn. He said, "Other moms are going to give you their opinion about everything, even if you don't ask. They all think that they are pros. Don't listen and make your own assumptions and decisions."

A lot of comments that I've heard from other moms have been disturbing. I'm not sure if women say things to make being a mother seem like an extremely difficult job or if they are saying it to discourage you from having children. Or if after you have kids, it's some kind of mom code, to complain about being a mother. (I'm not saying that it's easy, so cool your jets) But when a woman says to you "Enjoy your quiet time now, because you won't have any later, but it's all worth it", she sounds effing crazy. Or the lady at Target, who had two kids running around like animals and looked at me when I was 7 months pregnant and said "Keep that baby in there as long as you can!" Like I had a choice! I mean, being married is a lot of work and I don't go around telling people that, and then following it up with a "but he's worth it".

Hopefully this is my last post pre-parent and maybe my last sane post as well. I hear sleep deprivation is a bitch. I also hear that cough syrup works wonders on infants.


11 comments:

  1. I'd love to hear how you control your reactions to things you can't control... still, at 35 years old, this is a struggle for me constantly. Sends my anxiety out of control (like yesterday!)... I just can't seem to get that part under control!

    The rest of it? You'll figure it alllll out! Those things that are important to you? You'll find a way. I have zero doubts about that!

    You should come revisit this post when she's a year old or so... see your thoughts on it after you've got this motherhood thing down pat!

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  2. Only you are going to know what's best for you and your baby. I remember the lactation consultant at the hospital scolding me for giving him a binky (I didn't, the nurses did) and saying it would ruin him for breastfeeding. He still, to this day, has a preference when he wants a binky and when he wants food. And will not settle for the other. She told me that's impossible. Ok lady. Just go with your gut. Motherhood is all about instinct. You're going to rock it, I just know it!

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  3. I love this!!! Yes EVERYONE wants to give advice. I just let them speak their peace and move on. You will an awesome Mom!! It all really does come naturally and even in the worst moments you will still be grateful that you have that sweet baby girl to snuggle every night! Now pop that kid out!

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  4. Lol I love the title of this post! And props to you-these are all awesome things to want in a marriage and family. Me and Billy were actually JUST talking about the playing outside thing...we were talking about how we want to raise our kids and I just kept saying I NEVER remember being inside. We were always outside and it was so fun. I definitely want to me a mom like that too!

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  5. You are going to be a GREAT mom! I hope your little one comes along soon and that you're as comfortable as possible until then :-)

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  6. You are going to be great! I keep stalking you on Instagram and twitter to see if there's any news! :)
    The people doling out advice are already grating on my nerves so I hope I'm able to manage it (in a sane fashion) once this baby is born!

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  7. This is a great post, I think it's great that you did this before Baby C...I remember how it felt not bonding with Ryder when I was pregnant and it was scary but the bonding we had when he got there made up for it tenfold. My most valued advice about motherhood is to never ever compare yourself to what other moms are doing. Every child is different and every mom is different. The no crying over spilled milk is great to keep in mind too...choose your battles! Your goals are great!!

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  8. I love this post so much! I also hate when moms say disturbing things to me... like do you want me to NOT want this child? wtf.

    Come on Baby C!!!!!!

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  9. Wow, I can totally relate to a lot of this. Especially the part about not bonding with baby in utero. It surprised me, because I'd wanted kids my whole life. But I actually didn't really bond with him until he was a day or two old. That was a little scary. But it came!! So no worries!! Good luck!

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