Some of you have seen me talk about getting pregnant and maybe you have read this post before, but today I'm going to get a bit shallow on you.
I'm going to share some reasons why I'm afraid to get pregnant.
#1 Let's face it, pregnancy means no wine. Wine keeps me sane. How does one go 9 months with out the earth's merciful beverage?
#2 Dinner Plate areaolas. I've always prided myself on having good a breast to areaola ratio. I've read that when your pregnant your nipples get double and triple their size and they will turn black.
What's next, do they fall off?
#3 Stretch marks. I know this is a small price to pay for a baby and I also know that every woman says that she doesn't care that she has them. Well I'm going to care. I think that you are forced to stop caring about things that you cannot change.
I also don't care what anyone says. When I get preggers, I'm going to slather that vitamin E, mederma, and cocoa butter all over my shit.
#4 I don't want to neglect my other "fur" children. I always notice that when someone has a baby, their instagram goes from pictures with their pooch to only pictures of the baby.
Did you give the dog away? What gives?
#5 Hemorrhoids. I may or may not have already had a small experience with this dirty word. NO BUENO!
#6 For a long time I was afraid that my body would go to shit after having a little one but
With that being said..
Lets go Procreate!!!!
It took me a very long time to be okay with my stretchmarks. I had thought I made it through without them until I was 8 months pregnant and BAM they showed up. I used cocoa butter and bio oil like crazy but still got them, it's all in your genes!
ReplyDeleteThe nipple thing is so true.. haha.. Except mine never turned black.
The good news? You two would make the cutest babies so get to it! :)
I still haven't had alcohol since I'm nursing almost every hour right now and she refuses the bottle so it's hard to find the time to squeeze in a drink.
HAHAHAH I love this post! I TOTALLY share your fears...even though I'm not on the verge of trying to get pregnant at all. Can I really go nine months without alcohol? More importantly, would people be able to be around me if I did??
ReplyDeleteThis is like...one of the best posts ever.
ReplyDelete"Dinner plate areaolas" might be the funniest expression I've ever heard! I think that may be a bit of an exaggeration but I don't remember for certain! I do know though that they didn't turn black... thank God!
ReplyDeleteHaha I love this post! And so glad that you don't want to neglect the fur children!!! Love t!
ReplyDeletemy sister gave their dog away after having the baby...i will say that my brother gives her the attention she was definitely not getting but it's still sad.
ReplyDeletei literally think i would go crazy for 9 months without a stoli and sprite. some women are just braver than me.
LOL!! Love this! I totally get the fur baby part. My brothers pup kinda got the shaft even if he is a crazy high strung dog, but still! Number 5 would scare the crap outta me! Either way you two will make adorable babies so rock it out girlfriend and make it happen!
ReplyDeleteI am 100% stressed about eventually going 9 months without wine. How is it even possible..?
ReplyDeleteBAHAHA Ok I'm glad I'm not the only one terrified by #2
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it! ;) I am terrified of all these things too...especially the wine part.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! Although my reason strongly differ, except for #1, and I mean that in ALL seriousness (no drinking... what?!), I am terrified to be pregnant and have kids. It's just the whole process. It truly grosses me out. And I hate when people call it a miracle. It's not a "miracle". It's HOW babies are made. Now if someone can turn the bottles of water in my fridge into wine, THAT is a miracle.
ReplyDeleteHaha all very valid reasons as to why I don't want to have kiddos!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! Dinner plate areolas,.stretch marks, and no wine def come along with the package! But it is worth it!
ReplyDelete#1 and #5!!! Only fur babies for me!
ReplyDelete