Wednesday, February 26, 2014

The Front Wedgie


Friday night was Josh's Birthday night out. I had been needing to get a few maternity shirts now that this bump is growing and I didn't want big flowy ones either. So I went to Target and they have fitted, kind of rouged, semi cute tops. I grabbed two of them.
 I had about 7 baby clearance items in my carriage that were totaling about 15 bucks also
. Josh checked out our stuff because I had to pee, for the second time in Target, within a 20 minutes span. I am requesting a colostomy bag/catheter.
I met him at the exit doors and he said 
"$65 BUCKS?! I thought that all of those items were on clearance??"
I looked at the receipt and even after my 5% RED card savings, those shirts were damn near $25 dollars a piece. A PIECE. These are plain old long sleeve tops with some elastic in the sides for your belly.
 #1. Pregnancy is expensive.

We get home that night and I'm getting dressed to go out. At this point my hair is done, my heels are on and so are my leggings. I walk out of the bathroom to get my new Target Couture Shirt and walk by the mirror. Naturally, I stand side ways to see how the bump looks and then turn forward to check out my boobs my hair. Well, GASP!!!! Because to my surprise, I had the meanest camel toe happening on the block! 
What happens is as your belly grows, your leggings don't stay up OR they hug you in the middle of your belly and give you the double belly look (like when your demi cup on your bra is too small and your spilling out of it, but this is a whole other topic....)  so at this point, the only way to fix this issue is to hike up those leggings so that they come up over your belly button. Result- no more double gut, but now your packing a camel toe. Thank God maternity tops are long enough and covered that shit right up. On Sunday I ventured out and bought some maternity leggings. 2 Pairs for $47...... pricey but I'll take that over puffy taco. 
#2. Being a pregnancy fashionista is full of surprises.

Boobs....
For years I've spent tons of money of bras. I am a loyal Victoria Secrets customer. At this point, I'm pretty sure that the amount of money that I've spent in bra's could have paid for a boob job.
I always buy the demi bra that has the two straps. It's got great support and padding and doesn't put your girls under your chin like the Bombshell does. 
Finally at 33 years old, the titty fairy comes. About 5 weeks into my pregnancy, I get these amazing boobs! I'm talking porn star, people pay for these, stripper boobs. However, I have been restricted to sports bras for about 6 months now due to the vulumptous-ness of these blessings in disguise. My current bra's give me the double bubble line and look horrible, and needless to say my areola plays peekaboo. No Bueno.
#3 Bigger is not always better.

Acid reflux, sleep disturbances from your bladder, hormonal headaches and being out of breath like a fat kid, I can handle. Camel Toe?
I just can't.

Happy Hump Day!





11 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness!! Yeah for bigger boobs but the camel toe is a no go! Wrap that shit up right! Haha! You seriously are adorable preggers though!

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  2. Mostly, this kind of just makes me want to stay away from hump day humping...

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  3. Maternity clothes are so effing expensive. I found some cheap ones on Zulily. $14 for jeans. They just take forever to ship. I hated spending money on stuff that was temporary. I haven't bought anything in months out of protest! Haha. I totally hear you on the boobs. They are nice, but aren't much fun unfortunately.

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  4. Love these lessons! haha Camel toe is definitely a no go.

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  5. Thanks for telling it how it is. I'm so happy for your little growing family. Also, I've been thinking about your mom ever since I saw your tweet the other day. Hope her biopsy goes well!

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  6. Haha I loved this!! Thanks for the giggles!

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  7. The boobs, right? Like umm, guys, you're in my way. And, rumor has it they just keep getting bigger. While it's nice to have something, I'd like to go ahead and draw a line as to how much bigger they can get. Even my sports bras are getting a little inappropriate to wear...And everything is so expensive. And mostly ugly. It's very unfortunate!

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  8. I'm sorry for the "puffy taco" but MY GOD - that's funny shit.

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  9. This post cracked me up. I'm sorry to laugh :P Way to make light of the not great parts of pregnancy!!

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  10. I've just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.

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