Friday, May 3, 2013


So relationships are a funny thing. Most couples fight about bills, chores and dirty deeds right? Well if that's you, consider your self lucky.

The topic that seems to be an reoccurring issue in my household is regarding T.P.
Toilet Paper

I'm prefacing this with "in my defense". In my defense, I have been ill for the last two weeks. And not just a flu. Bodily fluid, snot, phlegm etc. The kind of sick where I contemplated ripping my nose off of my face just to set it in the sink to drip. I may have indulged more than usual in the TP department because
I NEVER buy tissues, ever.
 I have caught my self on numerous occasions reaching for the tissues on the back of the toilet, instead of replacing the toilet paper roll
I am also the girl who leaves a single "slice" on the roll.
I use the word "slice" because my husband has imbedded this into my vocabulary in regards to toilet paper usage.

Apparently, over the last week I have used a roll of toilet paper every day. I'm 100% positive that he is mother-goosing this a little bit.
Last night the issue of my TP usage was brought up at dinner. DINNER!!! We were sitting at the bar, so maybe this is appropriate conversation.
I was told that I use too many slices ie; squares.
He said that he has watched me "bee-hive" my hand before and just do a little "dab dab".   

#1 Why is he watching me?
#2 Why do I not realize he is watching me?
#3 You know exactly what he means when he said "bee-hive".
#4 Dab is not a bathroom word. EVER

I had to explain to Josh, why I use so much T.P.
I'm not going to elaborate on this.
I'm pretty sure he was online last night looking for a single, slice, toilet paper dispenser. And if he could, he's find one that would charge me a quarter per slice!
This over-usage topic has come up before.  I use a shit ton of paper towels when I clean the house and I try to burn them in the fire place before he sees them. Last year, I comprised an over-usage issue by washing out ziploc baggies and reusing them. 
He has actually taken a paper towel out of the trash because, its "barely been used". I stopped that shit right quick! (now you know why I burn them).

No, my hubs is not an obsessive pro-green, save the earth, hippie (don't be offended) and we have no issues financially affording paper products.
He is just your every day Toilet Paper Nazi.
So be happy that your man is mad that you bought too much MAC. Or that you sat on your ass watching Housewives Something-or-other and didn't cook or clean. 
Your lucky Bitches!   

  I'll be heading to Punta Cana tomorrow for a week and I have a few great girls taking over my blog!
I'll miss all ya'll faces as I get my baby making tan on.
Please ignore my tweets tomorrow. I will be at the airport entertaining a xanax and bloody mary cocktail.



  1. I think it's time you watch the "spare a square" Seinfeld episode with Josh.
    Have a bloody, or 10, for me. Thanks!

  2. what is he going to say to all those diapers you're going through!? The baby, not you, obvi :)

  3. PS: HAVE AN AMAZE BALLS VACA! Can't wait to see the pics!

  4. Hilarious. Good to know I am not the only one fighting this battle, there has almost been blood shed over the battle of TP and paper towels!

  5. I am so excited to see all the pics/read about yuor vacation! ENJOY!!!
    I overuse PT when cleaning too. Oops..

  6. Haha- at least you are not fight on the over/under debate on how the roll is put in the dispenser!! Hope you feel better soon! Enjoy your baby making vacation! ;)

  7. This made me laugh, for real! My fiance's current roommate goes through a roll a day too, and it drives him crazy. Enjoy your vacation, and use all the TP you want!!!!!!! =)

  8. hubs does the whole "you use to much toilet paper" thing too! Men!

  9. I bet the TP in Punta Cana is wonderful. HAVEEE FUNNNNN! Pics please! :D

  10. You should bring an extra bag to Punta Cana to steal all the hotel TP and bring it home with you. ;)

    Safe travels and have so much fun!

  11. I've had this some convo with my bf! So funny!

  12. This post made me LOL so many times! The funniest part is in our home, I'm the one on my husband's back about the amount he uses! That man will go through an entire jumbo Costco sized package of either TP or paper towels in two days if I didn't monitor!! Haha and I'm totally guilty of continuing to use his "barely used" paper towels.. He just leaves them on the counter somewhere though, I don't think I could bear to pull them from the trash lol!! (sorry if I had a "mispost" before this.. Sometimes my fingers just move too fast for my brain lol)

  13. Awww. He was out in the armpit of the earth aka the middle east. that must be why he's so "anal" about TP. lol

  14. OH MY GOSH....hahaha. I love his expressions "beehive it around your hand" and do a little "dab dab." (I sincerely hope to God he is talking about a dab dab of your nose...) My toilet paper (over)usage is a subject in our house my husband likes to discuss with my dad, wherein the two of them make fun of me. I mean, I may or may not have stopped up the toilet a time or two because, as my husband says, I "put a whole roll of toilet paper down it!"

  15. Lol this is funny. However, I'm on your husband's side. I try to limit my tp and paper towel usage, and probably give my husband a side-eye every time I think he uses too much. I really don't care how much TP he uses (that's his biznazz), but I do pay attention to paper towel usage. It's just one of those things that some of us can't help!

  16. You are the funniest person ever. The End.


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